Advice for guests and families of Bar/Bat Mitzva and Aufruf (1)

Mazaltov! Have an enjoyable and uplifting Simcha (joyous occasion). Thank you for celebrating with the rest of the South Hampstead community. Here is some advice to explain and clarify some of the goings-on and what you need to do.

Please refer both your Jewish and non-Jewish guests to this posting in advance of your Simcha

How should I come to South Hampstead Shul (Synagogue)?

1. If you are coming to South Hampstead on Shabbat (the Sabbath - prior to Friday sundown to 3 stars on Saturday night, see the Shul website for weekly times), please note that driving is prohibited on Shabbat (see a separate future post which discusses why).


2. If you are inviting non-Jewish guests, although they do not observe and respect the laws of Shabbat, please inform them that parking is controlled from 9.30am-1.30pm on Shabbat and that pay and display parking is limited.


3. In addition, the Shul is not able to provide parking vouchers, especially on Shabbat.


4. We also strive for good neighbourly relations so please encourage non-Jewish guests to use minicabs or public transport to come to the Shul. The nearest tube is Chalk Farm.

Should I bring anything with me?

1. No, certainly if you are Jewish! The laws of Shabbat prohibit transfering items from private to public domains, such as from your home to the street and to the Shul, unless this happens within an Eruv. Currently, South Hampstead Shul is not within an Eruv.


2. So, for example, men should not bring their Talit (aka Tallis) instead using one provided at the Shul. Similarily, do not bring Siddurim (prayer books), instead use those provided at the Shul.


3. Please also advise non-Jewish guests that although they do not observe Shabbat, they should be sensitive to this law of Shabbat and carry items discreetly, even if they see that some attendees do not observe this aspect of Shabbat.


4. Electronic items, such as mobile phones and cameras are not activated on Shabbat. For security reasons, if non-Jewish guests bring such items are brought, they must be deposited at security before entry to the Shul. In line with what is written in the rest of this section, Jews should neither use such items nor bring them to Shul on Shabbat.

How should I dress?

1. South Hampstead Shul has a relaxed atmosphere but is also a place of prayer where some formality is appropriate. For example, some men wear suits and ties whilst others will wear more relaxed but still smarter clothing e.g. chinos and a shirt rather than jeans and a polo shirt. Ascot dress is too dressy for Shul but neither is your house party gear appropriate!


2. Another aspect of a place of prayer is that clothing should be modest, especially in cut. In the shul, we stand before G-d in prayer and it is important that we are dressed appropriately. As such, both women and men should dress appropriately in this regard.


3. Married women cover their hair in the Shul even if they do not when outside (Jewish law requires married women to cover their hair in public). Whilst some women wear wigs (called a sheitel or pe'ah nochrit) in Hebrew, others prefer hats or scarves. Non-Jewish women, whilst not formally obligated to cover their hair in Shul by Jewish law, may wish to do so out of respect for the Shul environment.


4. Men, both Jewish and non-Jewish, should wear a head covering in Shul. This is normally done by wearing a cuppel/yarmulka/kipa and applies to both Jewish and non-Jewish men. A stock of cuppels/yarmulkas/kipot (plural) is available at the entrance to the Shul. After the service, please return any which you borrow.
   

When should our guests arrive?

1. Usually, the Shabbat morning service starts at 9.30am although many of the congregation arrive later. It is not fair to non-Jewish guests to expect them to arrive this early and sit through the entire service. Therefore...


2. For a barmitzvah, non-Jewish guests should arrive between 10.35 and 10.45am.


3. For a batmitzvah, non-Jewish guests should arrive between 10.50 and 11am.


4. For an aufruf, non-Jewish guests should arrive by 10.35am.

They will be in good time for the simcha if they arrive at these times and will not need to sit through the first part of the service which is irrelevant for their purposes and probably completely unintelligable for them.

What should we expect in the service?

1. The service is conducted mainly in Hebrew although the prayer books have English translation. Rabbi Shlomo announces page numbers and explains the service at frequent intervals. If you are unfamiliar with the service and

(a) read Hebrew, then go for the prayers you are familiar with and pray at your own pace or

(b) if you are not a Hebrew reader, then please make use of the translation which I hope you will find inspiring.

Although the Shul is a place of prayer, it also has a relaxed atmosphere as discussed above. One of the Hebrew words for a Shul is a beit kenesset, which means a house of gathering. As such, it is a bit like an extended family occasion and in some ways more of a community centre than just a Shul.

After the service finishes, the community normally enjoys a Kiddush to celebrate the Simcha and to allow people to catch up over some food and drink.

Sweets and Applause

Although in some communities, sweets are gently thrown at a barmitzvah boy to symbolise the sweetness of his coming of age, the custom in South Hampstead is not to throw sweets.

Please do not throw sweets. In addition to the waste, they get trodden into the carpet, can cause damage to people or property and also to any children caught in the scramble to retrieve them. It would be a much bigger Mitzvah (good deed) to give sweets to a shelter, hospital or charity or the Shul's elderly peoples' Friendship club to celebrate your Simcha.

Please do not applaud after the bat/bar mitzva part of the section ends. It is really not appropriate since the bar/bat mitzva is not a performance. Instead, it is the celebration of a Jewish child attaining responsibility.

The appropriate way to celebrate is to wish the family 'siman tov u'mazaltov', which is a blessing for good. It is often sung in South Hampstead and if so, it is appropriate to clap along with the song.

In closing

This whole posting is designed to ensure that you and your guests are familiar with the service, enhance the occasion, respect the sanctity and atmosphere of the Shul and help you to gain the maximum religious benefit from your special occasion.

If you have any questions, please email me

Mazaltov!

Shalom Zachar

Hi to all, my apologies for not posting for some time. It's been a busy time since...

...With thanks to G-d, my wife and I have been blessed with a son (exhibit A above). This posting is in gratitude and also attempls to explain why you are invited to a Shalom Zachor at our house this evening!

Some communities have the custom of making a small party called a Shalom Zachar / Sholom Zochor (if you use Ashkenazi pronounciation) on the first Friday night after a baby boy is born. The SZ takes place in the home of the newborn baby.

This custom is mentioned by the Rema (Rabbi Moshe Iserlis), a complementary work printed together with the Shulchan Aruch indicating where Ashkenazi custom differs from Sefaradi custom.

Why is there a Shalom Zachor? (the clue is in the italicised line at the end of this paragraph)

Here is what Rema writes: (Section Yoreh De'ah, chapter 265, paragraph 12) 'some people have the custom to make a festive meal and celebration on the Friday night after a baby boy is born.. The guests arrive at the newborn's home and taste some food. This is a Seudat Mitzva / a meal celebrating a mitzva.

Why would this be a seudat mitzva? Perhaps it relates to the seuda (meal) which accompanies the brit itself, but then why not just have a seuda with the brit?

Taz (not Taz for those who may be confused) presents intriguing answers. Quoting Terumat Hadeshen, he writes that since people are 'around' on Friday nights, everybody has the chance to go and celebrate with the baby and its family. This includes those who may not be able to attend the brit itself. Taz writes further, quoting the Midrash (Rabbinic teachings on the Torah), that just as people in Temple times would attend the Temple to bring a sacrifice to G-d, so too do we 'attend' in the most similar way that we can, on the holy day of Shabbat, before the baby enters the brit (which, btw, means both covenant and circumcision - the circumcision is to enter the covenant as described in this week's Sidra - cool! - see chapter 17 of Bereishit/Genesis).

Even more fascinatingly, Taz also quotes the Derisha who suggests that rather than being a party of celebration, the Shalom Zachor in fact commemorates all that the baby has forgotten already! According to the Talmud (Tractate Niddah, page 20b), the child learns the whole of the Torah whilst in its mother's womb but then an angel gently strikes the child (leading to the indentation between the upper lip and the nose) causing the child to forget the Torah that he has learnt. Thus the Shalom Zachar is to 'remember' that the child needs to start learning Torah and build up his own achievements in this regard. This should stimulate us to remember the Torah and understand that it is through our own efforts - qualatatively perhaps more than quantitativley - we realise that if we do not remember the Torah, we can easily forget it.

Tosafot (Bava Kama 80a, s.v 'velibi' as quoted by the Gra) explains that the custom to make a festive meal is to give thanks for the safe arrival of the baby. This may explain why the custom arose to have a Shalom Zachar in addition to the Brit.

This could also explain the custom to eat chickpeas and fruit at the Shalom Zachor, which are seen as a sign of fertility, in similar fashion to eating the simanim on Rosh Hashana (see the index for a post explaining this.)

However, it does not explain why a Shalom Zachar is generally only for a male child whilst a similar party for a girl is called a Simchat Bat or a Zeved Bat (see page 816 of the green Siddur for more on this). More on this another time, all being well - hopefully when somebody in the shul has a girl.

Conclusion

Hopefully we have now seen why some communities have the custom of a Shalom Zachar. However, it is certainly not obligatory and should not be held if the baby or parents would be put under strain.

Aruch Hashulchan, in a cautionary note (Yoreh De'ah 265:37) questions how the Shalom Zachar could be a festive meal especially as the custom is just to 'nosh' rather than make hamotzi and have a proper seuda! He mentions another custom of going to wish Mazaltov to the parents and baby after Shul on Shabbat morning but not to eat anything at their house so that there is no pressure on the parents to provide catering or hospitality!

Shemita (1)

This Jewish year (5768) is a Shemita (Sabbatical) year. Amongst the Mitzvot of the Shemita year is that the Land of Israel should not be worked, that any produce which it produces of its own accord must not be traded for profit and that such produce must be treated in a specified way.

We will discuss some of these issues at the Shabbat Mincha shiur this Shabbat, Parashat Bereishit, all being well, with an update planned for the blog.

What do Shemini Atzeret and Egged have in common? (and dont forget the Eruv Tavshilin again!)

Image from here

Tonight (Wednesday night) is the start of Shemini Atzeret, which is followed by Simchat Torah (Thursday night).

What is Shemini Atzeret?

Shemini Atzeret is a Chag (festival) in its own right, immediately after Succot. As the Torah states in Vayikra 23:36 '...on the eighth day, there is a holy time for you; you shall offer up fire offerings to G-d, it is an atzeret...'

As always, we need to understand the meaning, rather than the translation, of the words in the pasuk/verse.

Let's concentrate on the meaning of the word 'atzeret' (we understand shemini as this means 8 and clearly refers to the day after Succot).

Here's how some of the explanations line up:

• Onkelos and Ibn Ezra write that atzeret means a gathering
• Rashi, rather than simply explaining the word, offers a further explanation. He writes that atzeret means that G-d stopped us - remember those 'atzur' stop signs on Egged buses which are from the same word root as atzeret (now you know what Shemini Atzeret and Egged have in common!). This means that G-d stopped us from leaving the Beit Hamikdash (Temple) after Succot.

Succot was one of the Shalosh Regalim (pilgrim festivals) so many Jews would be in Jerusalem. Succot includes prayers for the entire world, not just for the Jewish people, to the extent that 70 cows were offered as sacrifices in the Temple on behalf of the 70 nations of the world. G-d said to the Jewish people, as if it were, that He wanted them to stay for an extra day so that there could be a special day of celebration just for the Jewish people, as the end of the festive season in the Beit Hamikdash was 'hard' for G-d.

Seforno's explanation is in a similar vein.

• Rashbam states that atzeret simply means that we are 'stopped' (or should I stay 'estopped' - I'll leave that to the lawyers) from doing any melacha (creative labour). However, since this is the case on any Shabbat or Yom Tov (other than certain specific exceptions on Yom Tov) and is stated explicitly in the pasuk, it is not clear why Rashbam takes this view.
• Ramban takes a different view, although somewhat akin to Rashi. He writes that the word atzeret also applies to Shavuot, the festival that comes in the 8th week from the start of Pesach - you can already spot the parallel to Shemini Atzeret being on the 8th day from the start of Succot. Just as Shavuot, commemorating the giving of the Torah, is a Chag (festival) which stresses the uniqueness of the relationship between G-d and the Jewish people, expressed for example by the covenant of the Torah, so too does Shemini Atzeret express this uniqueness, in distinction to the universality of Succot.

This is why the Talmud in Tractate Moed Katan, page 18a, emphasises that Shemini Atzeret is a Chag independent of Succot with several specific Mitzvot, such as those described in the piece we read from the Torah for Maftir on Shemini Atzeret (Bemidbar 29:35 - 30:1).

Atzeret can therefore be understood as a separate festival.

This understanding is amplified by Tosafot on the spot.

Conclusions

• Shemini Atzeret is a separate festival to Succot. It emphasises the unique relationship between G-d and the Jewish people through a Chag to celebrate this specifically without focusing on Yetziat Mitzrayim (the Exodus) or Matan Torah (the Giving of the Torah) for example.
  
• The highlight of the prayers is Tefilat Geshem, the prayer for rain, which is part of Musaf and heralds the season for saying 'Mashiv haruach u'morid ha'gashem' in the Amida prayer.
• Tefilat Geshem is recited as on Succot, the world is judged for water (see Mishna, Tractate Rosh Hashana, 1:2). Since rain on Succot stops us from fulfilling the mitzva of using the Succah, we postpone the prayer for rain until Shemini Atzeret.
  
• On Shemini Atzeret, the most widespread minhag (custom) is to eat in the Succah but without reciting the beracha of leishaiv basuccah. Ask me if you want to know why.

Any finally, dont forget the Eruv Tavshilin, or indeed your toothbrush.

Latest time for candle lighting tonight (Weds 3 October 2007) is 6.19pm. Remember to light a 48hour candle as well so that you can light candles for Simchat Torah and Shabbat. Mincha tonight is at 6.19pm.

Chag Sameach!

Ps (for those who want a little extra to think about, why do we have Chol Hamoed if Succot and Shemini Atzeret are separate festivals?)