Shalom Zachar

Hi to all, my apologies for not posting for some time. It's been a busy time since...

...With thanks to G-d, my wife and I have been blessed with a son (exhibit A above). This posting is in gratitude and also attempls to explain why you are invited to a Shalom Zachor at our house this evening!

Some communities have the custom of making a small party called a Shalom Zachar / Sholom Zochor (if you use Ashkenazi pronounciation) on the first Friday night after a baby boy is born. The SZ takes place in the home of the newborn baby.

This custom is mentioned by the Rema (Rabbi Moshe Iserlis), a complementary work printed together with the Shulchan Aruch indicating where Ashkenazi custom differs from Sefaradi custom.

Why is there a Shalom Zachor? (the clue is in the italicised line at the end of this paragraph)

Here is what Rema writes: (Section Yoreh De'ah, chapter 265, paragraph 12) 'some people have the custom to make a festive meal and celebration on the Friday night after a baby boy is born.. The guests arrive at the newborn's home and taste some food. This is a Seudat Mitzva / a meal celebrating a mitzva.

Why would this be a seudat mitzva? Perhaps it relates to the seuda (meal) which accompanies the brit itself, but then why not just have a seuda with the brit?

Taz (not Taz for those who may be confused) presents intriguing answers. Quoting Terumat Hadeshen, he writes that since people are 'around' on Friday nights, everybody has the chance to go and celebrate with the baby and its family. This includes those who may not be able to attend the brit itself. Taz writes further, quoting the Midrash (Rabbinic teachings on the Torah), that just as people in Temple times would attend the Temple to bring a sacrifice to G-d, so too do we 'attend' in the most similar way that we can, on the holy day of Shabbat, before the baby enters the brit (which, btw, means both covenant and circumcision - the circumcision is to enter the covenant as described in this week's Sidra - cool! - see chapter 17 of Bereishit/Genesis).

Even more fascinatingly, Taz also quotes the Derisha who suggests that rather than being a party of celebration, the Shalom Zachor in fact commemorates all that the baby has forgotten already! According to the Talmud (Tractate Niddah, page 20b), the child learns the whole of the Torah whilst in its mother's womb but then an angel gently strikes the child (leading to the indentation between the upper lip and the nose) causing the child to forget the Torah that he has learnt. Thus the Shalom Zachar is to 'remember' that the child needs to start learning Torah and build up his own achievements in this regard. This should stimulate us to remember the Torah and understand that it is through our own efforts - qualatatively perhaps more than quantitativley - we realise that if we do not remember the Torah, we can easily forget it.

Tosafot (Bava Kama 80a, s.v 'velibi' as quoted by the Gra) explains that the custom to make a festive meal is to give thanks for the safe arrival of the baby. This may explain why the custom arose to have a Shalom Zachar in addition to the Brit.

This could also explain the custom to eat chickpeas and fruit at the Shalom Zachor, which are seen as a sign of fertility, in similar fashion to eating the simanim on Rosh Hashana (see the index for a post explaining this.)

However, it does not explain why a Shalom Zachar is generally only for a male child whilst a similar party for a girl is called a Simchat Bat or a Zeved Bat (see page 816 of the green Siddur for more on this). More on this another time, all being well - hopefully when somebody in the shul has a girl.

Conclusion

Hopefully we have now seen why some communities have the custom of a Shalom Zachar. However, it is certainly not obligatory and should not be held if the baby or parents would be put under strain.

Aruch Hashulchan, in a cautionary note (Yoreh De'ah 265:37) questions how the Shalom Zachar could be a festive meal especially as the custom is just to 'nosh' rather than make hamotzi and have a proper seuda! He mentions another custom of going to wish Mazaltov to the parents and baby after Shul on Shabbat morning but not to eat anything at their house so that there is no pressure on the parents to provide catering or hospitality!