Advice for guests and families of Bar/Bat Mitzva and Aufruf (1)

Mazaltov! Have an enjoyable and uplifting Simcha (joyous occasion). Thank you for celebrating with the rest of the South Hampstead community. Here is some advice to explain and clarify some of the goings-on and what you need to do.

Please refer both your Jewish and non-Jewish guests to this posting in advance of your Simcha

How should I come to South Hampstead Shul (Synagogue)?

1. If you are coming to South Hampstead on Shabbat (the Sabbath - prior to Friday sundown to 3 stars on Saturday night, see the Shul website for weekly times), please note that driving is prohibited on Shabbat (see a separate future post which discusses why).


2. If you are inviting non-Jewish guests, although they do not observe and respect the laws of Shabbat, please inform them that parking is controlled from 9.30am-1.30pm on Shabbat and that pay and display parking is limited.


3. In addition, the Shul is not able to provide parking vouchers, especially on Shabbat.


4. We also strive for good neighbourly relations so please encourage non-Jewish guests to use minicabs or public transport to come to the Shul. The nearest tube is Chalk Farm.

Should I bring anything with me?

1. No, certainly if you are Jewish! The laws of Shabbat prohibit transfering items from private to public domains, such as from your home to the street and to the Shul, unless this happens within an Eruv. Currently, South Hampstead Shul is not within an Eruv.


2. So, for example, men should not bring their Talit (aka Tallis) instead using one provided at the Shul. Similarily, do not bring Siddurim (prayer books), instead use those provided at the Shul.


3. Please also advise non-Jewish guests that although they do not observe Shabbat, they should be sensitive to this law of Shabbat and carry items discreetly, even if they see that some attendees do not observe this aspect of Shabbat.


4. Electronic items, such as mobile phones and cameras are not activated on Shabbat. For security reasons, if non-Jewish guests bring such items are brought, they must be deposited at security before entry to the Shul. In line with what is written in the rest of this section, Jews should neither use such items nor bring them to Shul on Shabbat.

How should I dress?

1. South Hampstead Shul has a relaxed atmosphere but is also a place of prayer where some formality is appropriate. For example, some men wear suits and ties whilst others will wear more relaxed but still smarter clothing e.g. chinos and a shirt rather than jeans and a polo shirt. Ascot dress is too dressy for Shul but neither is your house party gear appropriate!


2. Another aspect of a place of prayer is that clothing should be modest, especially in cut. In the shul, we stand before G-d in prayer and it is important that we are dressed appropriately. As such, both women and men should dress appropriately in this regard.


3. Married women cover their hair in the Shul even if they do not when outside (Jewish law requires married women to cover their hair in public). Whilst some women wear wigs (called a sheitel or pe'ah nochrit) in Hebrew, others prefer hats or scarves. Non-Jewish women, whilst not formally obligated to cover their hair in Shul by Jewish law, may wish to do so out of respect for the Shul environment.


4. Men, both Jewish and non-Jewish, should wear a head covering in Shul. This is normally done by wearing a cuppel/yarmulka/kipa and applies to both Jewish and non-Jewish men. A stock of cuppels/yarmulkas/kipot (plural) is available at the entrance to the Shul. After the service, please return any which you borrow.
   

When should our guests arrive?

1. Usually, the Shabbat morning service starts at 9.30am although many of the congregation arrive later. It is not fair to non-Jewish guests to expect them to arrive this early and sit through the entire service. Therefore...


2. For a barmitzvah, non-Jewish guests should arrive between 10.35 and 10.45am.


3. For a batmitzvah, non-Jewish guests should arrive between 10.50 and 11am.


4. For an aufruf, non-Jewish guests should arrive by 10.35am.

They will be in good time for the simcha if they arrive at these times and will not need to sit through the first part of the service which is irrelevant for their purposes and probably completely unintelligable for them.

What should we expect in the service?

1. The service is conducted mainly in Hebrew although the prayer books have English translation. Rabbi Shlomo announces page numbers and explains the service at frequent intervals. If you are unfamiliar with the service and

(a) read Hebrew, then go for the prayers you are familiar with and pray at your own pace or

(b) if you are not a Hebrew reader, then please make use of the translation which I hope you will find inspiring.

Although the Shul is a place of prayer, it also has a relaxed atmosphere as discussed above. One of the Hebrew words for a Shul is a beit kenesset, which means a house of gathering. As such, it is a bit like an extended family occasion and in some ways more of a community centre than just a Shul.

After the service finishes, the community normally enjoys a Kiddush to celebrate the Simcha and to allow people to catch up over some food and drink.

Sweets and Applause

Although in some communities, sweets are gently thrown at a barmitzvah boy to symbolise the sweetness of his coming of age, the custom in South Hampstead is not to throw sweets.

Please do not throw sweets. In addition to the waste, they get trodden into the carpet, can cause damage to people or property and also to any children caught in the scramble to retrieve them. It would be a much bigger Mitzvah (good deed) to give sweets to a shelter, hospital or charity or the Shul's elderly peoples' Friendship club to celebrate your Simcha.

Please do not applaud after the bat/bar mitzva part of the section ends. It is really not appropriate since the bar/bat mitzva is not a performance. Instead, it is the celebration of a Jewish child attaining responsibility.

The appropriate way to celebrate is to wish the family 'siman tov u'mazaltov', which is a blessing for good. It is often sung in South Hampstead and if so, it is appropriate to clap along with the song.

In closing

This whole posting is designed to ensure that you and your guests are familiar with the service, enhance the occasion, respect the sanctity and atmosphere of the Shul and help you to gain the maximum religious benefit from your special occasion.

If you have any questions, please email me

Mazaltov!